stillbecoming.studio

This week, we were all devastated by the images of Punch, a baby monkey rejected by his mother, creating a “mother” for himself out of a plush toy. For me, these images were the sign I had been waiting for to finally write about the “Motherhood Myth.”

I am open to any reaction or opposing view. As I’ve said before, this is my space, but you are welcome to share your thoughts here as well.

I am a mother. I brought a son into this world, and thus, I earned the title of “mother.” Of course, I loved him—I still do; of course, I strove to take the right steps for his future, and I am proud of the person he is today. However, I see no “sacredness” in any part of this process. I was biologically capable, I made a choice, I gave birth, and I took responsibility. Today, he is a free individual, and the bond we share is, in my eyes, more of an eternal friendship than mere “motherhood.”

In my view, being biologically capable of bringing a life into the world does not mean everyone should do it. I have many friends who, despite having no biological obstacles, chose not to have children. I salute them all with respect from here.

For the past week, the image of that tiny monkey has been all over our screens… The “mother” monkey who gave birth to him but then rejected him. We all felt anger toward the mother and sorrow for the baby. Later, another adult monkey stepped in and adopted him. I am not an expert on animal instincts or behaviors; however, based on this example, my conclusion is this: It is not about being a “mother,” it is about having a conscience.

If you have a conscience and a healthy psyche, you take full responsibility for the being you brought into this world and you love them. But there are mothers who do not protect their children from domestic violence, who turn a blind eye to abuse, or who even inflict violence themselves. Not to mention the psychological pressure… The wounds opened by maternal pressure during childhood are significant. Today, I know scores of people spending their adulthood trying to heal the traumas of the maternal pressure they endured as children.

Let’s get to why motherhood is considered sacred… “I carried you for nine months, I didn’t eat so you could eat, I didn’t drink so you could drink.” Well, of course! He is your child, after all. Feeding and raising him is your most fundamental duty. Where is the sacredness in that?

Don’t get me wrong; I am not dismissing motherhood. I believe being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Filling that role properly requires immense strength and consciousness. In today’s world, striving to raise a child with the right values is stressful and demanding. My objection is to the “sacralization,” even the “idolization” of this role.

Because this “sacred” label that society places on mothers’ shoulders is actually a massive pressure mechanism that turns women into robots, denying them the right to make mistakes, to get tired, or sometimes even the right “not to love.” When you tell a woman “you are sacred,” you are essentially saying: “You are no longer a human being; you must sacrifice yourself, endure all kinds of violence and poverty for your children, and melt your own identity in this pot of sacredness.”

While this fake exaltation isolates mothers, it also provides a safe haven for women who are inadequate, unloving, or even prone to violence. How many children wither away in silence amidst abuse because of the “a mother wouldn’t do that” prejudice? How many children, like Punch, grow up clinging to plush toys—alone and terrified right next to their biological mothers?

Years ago, I read a utopian story in a magazine: On a tropical island, there is no nuclear family, no marriage, no property—only love. The children born are considered the children of the entire society. Instead of a fixed mother-father figure, the whole tribe is the collective parent. The most striking detail in the story was that every child was precious and surrounded by love from everyone. In other words, for a child to grow up healthy, they didn’t need a biological “mother” mold; they needed “affection.” I believe such a world is possible—I wish it were!

The point is not to give birth to a child, but to raise them without wounding or terrifying them. If sacredness is to be sought, it is not in the biological bond, but in the collective conscience that truly “sees” a child, accepts them as an individual, and provides them with safety.

In short, biology is destiny, but motherhood is a choice. And when this choice is not made with integrity, the resulting destruction is too real to be covered up by any sacred myth. Perhaps heaven is not under the feet of mothers, but in that honest world where children smile without fear, and no one has to cling to a plush toy and call it “mother.”

With love,

Nazan

PS: Close down the Zoos!!!

About These Piece!

If These Piece had a Color : It would be ”Concrete Grey”.

If These Piece had a Song : It would be ”Talking To The Moon – Bruno Mars” https://open.spotify.com/track/3U5JVgI2x4rDyHGObzJfNf?si=f9047821d23d42ac 

If These Piece had a Scen : It would be ”Wet Concrete”.