stillbecoming.studio

The unbearable lightness of being able to say “I don’t know!”

Why is it so hard for us to say those words? Why do we feel obligated to know everything? Do we think we’ll be judged if we admit we don’t know? Is that why we talk confidently and make things up about subjects we know nothing about, without considering where it might lead?

To be honest, when it came to my work, I didn’t like saying “I don’t know” either. But I realized the weight of this situation one day when my partner asked me a question about bread dough, and I tried to answer as if I knew, even though I didn’t have a clue.

When I heard my own voice from the outside, I realized how empty I was speaking; I was literally making it up! Her trust in me was so high that she would have accepted whatever I said as the absolute truth. Suddenly, I stopped and said, “Meltem, I don’t know,” because I felt I was about to betray that trust.

Because I was able to say “I don’t know” at that moment, we immediately looked up a few resources to find the right answer and reached the information we needed. Afterward, we deepened our awareness with a long conversation on this topic in Joie’s kitchen.

I thought about this quite a bit later; in situations where I didn’t know but commented as if I did, I either faced poor outcomes or made myself look ridiculous. Eventually, I decided that this didn’t suit me and I didn’t like that version of myself. That was when I understood the value of saying “I don’t know.”

In our culture specifically, saying “I don’t know” is perceived as if it will cause a loss of confidence. As if something will be taken away from you, or the other person won’t respect you anymore… Oh, what a disaster!

I don’t know enough about other cultures to make grand claims, but I’ve witnessed my international friends use this phrase quite comfortably. Of course, I can’t generalize a handful of people to an entire society; but still, I can say it gives an idea about those cultures.

However, when it comes to Turkish people, saying “I don’t know” is almost a taboo. We love knowing everything. Even if we don’t, we love acting like we do.

Yet, the sense of freedom that comes from responding “I don’t know” to a question you don’t have the answer to is so good for the soul! “I don’t know.” It’s that simple! And hey, if I’m curious and want to learn about it, I’ll go and research it; then, the next time someone asks, I can answer with actual knowledge, right?

I think it’s time we relax a bit and stop falling for the illusion that we must know every single thing.

With love, Nazan

About These Piece!

If These Piece had a Color : It would be ”Brilliant Blue”.

If These Piece had a Song : It would be ”Freedom! ’90 from George Michael”. https://open.spotify.com/track/3U5JVgI2x4rDyHGObzJfNf?si=f9047821d23d42ac

If These Piece had a Scen : It would be fresh Rosemary”