stillbecoming.studio

In this article, my original intention was to focus mainly on the topic of death. But then I thought, if death is merely a phase of life, why not speak of both life and death at the same time?

Nevertheless, my desire to start this piece “with death” is quite strong :).

As I have evolved within life, my perspective on death has changed significantly. It used to feel like an end to me; now, I see it as a gateway opening toward a new beginning. Of course, this is just my point of view. I discussed this topic with my 21-year-old son, Baran. He, on the other hand, views death as a finality. He says, “You die, and there is nothing after.” This is also a perspective, and his view may change as he evolves through life. Or it may not.

But regardless of what we think, as it is written in large letters at the entrance of a famous Cemetery in Istanbul: “Every living soul shall taste death.” What falls to us is to pass through this magnificent experience called life until we reach that finish line.

I have always been among those who believe that death is hardest for those left behind. In my view, while death is a new door and perhaps a new life for the one who departs, it leaves a void, longing, and pain for those who remain. Especially if the departure was hurried, or if those left behind are tested with the unbearable pain of losing a child.

Unexpected deaths are always profoundly painful. Perhaps that is why I have always been inclined to think of death from the perspective of the one departing. This might be my own way of coping with the subject.

When the subject turns to ourselves—that is, when it is our turn to go—the situation changes. As I said, everyone’s approach to the subject is different. I believe everyone approaches death according to their stance in life. In other words, those among us who are more anxious see death as more frightening, while those who are more fatalistic and accepting remain just that.

There is also the undeniable matter of culture. In the Islamic world, death is a greater mystery. It seems less “natural,” somehow darker, and like something that shouldn’t happen. The wailing, the lamentations, the rituals performed after death… In Far Eastern philosophy, the situation is quite different; for them, death is equivalent to a wedding—a time for celebrations and festivities. In European and American cultures, death can be met with a bit more composure. As I mentioned, the definition of the one leaving changes the perspective on the departure.

When we treat death as a phase of life—like birth—without overthinking the “why,” we can actually normalize it. Our time here is up. Whether it was “time” or not… that timing is not in our hands. Except, of course, for certain circumstances. There are many people who determine their own time. Whether they are right or wrong, it is no one’s place to judge. Life tests everyone in different areas. Sometimes, coping is not easy at all.

In summary, death is a reality of this world; when it knocks on the door, we don’t have the option not to open it. The best we can do is to make the most of the chance at life we have been given.

Throughout our lives, we work like crazy for the material assets we will leave behind when we die. How wise is it to spend our entire youth trying to guarantee our lives in old age? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t work. Nor am I belittling money or the house or car we might own in this world.

Actually, what I am saying to myself is this: You have been given a life. Perhaps only one, perhaps many lives at different frequencies. But in this life where I am conscious, I want to make good use of this opportunity granted to me.

I have been working for as long as I can remember. Everything we owned, earned over time, vanished during the pandemic. Do you know what didn’t vanish? Memories, the delicious meals I’ve eaten, the uninhibited laughter, the tears shed when I was sad, the countries I’ve traveled, the animals I’ve loved and petted, the joyful moments spent with my family and friends. The memories of accompanying my son as he grew up.

Even the time I spent with friends who are now distant, I remember it all with gratitude. The fact that we don’t see each other today doesn’t diminish the value of what we once shared.

Regarding death, maybe Baran is right, or maybe I am; we will only find out once we pass through that door. But until that day, my plan is clear: to meet with friends at a beautiful table, to get lost in a new street, and to honor every moment I can breathe. Let us normalize death so that we may sanctify life.

If you look for me, I’ve gone to enjoy life. 🙂

With love,

Nazan

If These Piece had a Color : It would be ”Sunset Orange”.

If These Piece had a Song : It would be ”The Show must go on – Queen”. https://open.spotify.com/track/3U5JVgI2x4rDyHGObzJfNf?si=f9047821d23d42ac

If These Piece had a Scen : It would be ”Rain in Forrest”