Let’s be honest: cheating is wrong.
Whether driven by societal pressure or blind love, we all make promises to our partners that are incredibly difficult to keep: “It’s only you, forever.”
Really? Are we sure? And why, exactly?
Let’s dive in…
A few days ago, I watched a fascinating show that inspired this piece: “Mammals” on Amazon Prime. It’s a short, six-episode series, and the plot revolves entirely around fidelity. But it was a monologue delivered by the main character in the final episode that truly forced me to think deeply—and, of course, to write. I highly recommend giving it a watch.
She says:
“Monogamy is beautiful in theory, but let’s face it, it’s incredibly hard in practice. Isn’t it? How can one man represent all masculinity? I’m a man, you’re a woman, and there will be no one else in my life. One penis, one vagina, for the rest of our lives… Let’s admit it, meeting such massive expectations is exhausting, isn’t it? So, what do faithful people do? They satisfy themselves in secret, thinking of others. The man fantasizes about the woman at the office; the woman fantasizes about that toned guy at the gym. Then they watch TV together and have dinner with their kids. But they’re faithful, right? Because they never actually eat the ice cream they desire so badly. Looking through the display window is allowed, but eating the ice cream—actually crossing into physical infidelity—is wrong.”
These aren’t my words; they belong to her. But the scene that follows is deeply jarring because it shows us, in raw detail, the true price of tasting that ice cream.
There are plenty of points in the ongoing dialogue of the show that I disagree with, but I’ll stop here to avoid giving away any spoilers.
How well does the concept of monogamy actually fit human nature? You might say, “Come on, Nazan, we aren’t animals; we can control our instincts.” Of course we can, and we do. But is cheating merely about touching someone else’s body?
Doesn’t fantasizing about someone else while being intimate with your partner count as betrayal?
Societal morals were established centuries ago. Then, a corporate structure called marriage was designed, and the union of two people was submitted for state approval (or religious approval, depending on the culture). Ultimately, the requirement for an authority outside of the couple to validate and bless their union is a rule created by those who design society. In sickness and in health, till death do us part…
Anyway, my focus here isn’t marriage. I’ve already expressed my views on that before. For those who missed it, let me say it again: despite my own wonderful 25-year marriage, my belief in the institution itself is quite different from most.
And of course, I’m not saying only married people cheat. Infidelity can happen to any of us when we are just dating, too.
So, where does fidelity end and cheating begin? In my view, cheating begins the exact moment you realize you are playing your partner for a fool. It starts when you begin longing for someone other than the person you’ve promised your life to—or the person you’re currently with—and you keep it to yourself. It begins when you act as if everything is perfectly normal, refusing to disturb the natural flow of life or step out of your comfort zone. As for fidelity, it ends the very moment the seeds of those thoughts enter your mind.
You can be married or in a relationship and still fall in love with someone else. Nothing is more natural than that. No matter how established your life is, if you choose to tell your partner, disrupt the status quo, and do so with grace—then you are a brave person.
On the flip side, you might be someone who loves another but fears hurting their partner, refuses to leave their safe zone, and lacks the courage to take that risk. And when children are involved, finding that courage is not easy at all. But even if it means missing out on life, making a choice to avoid becoming a cheater is the right thing to do.
Long story short: cheating begins in the mind. So, to anyone out there saying, “I didn’t taste the ice cream, I was just window shopping…” I’m speaking directly to you. It is time to be honest with yourself.
Before publishing this piece, I shared it with a friend who asked: “But can’t we love two people at the same time and want both of them in our lives?” What do you think? Could the human heart truly be that vast?
Author’s Note: As I get older and meet more people, I understand more clearly how emotional and complex we are as human beings. None of us have the right to lecture others about fidelity. Life can bring emotions and situations we never wished for. Therefore, we should evaluate every situation on its own terms, and always remember that things are not always what they seem from the outside. Trust me, I know this from experience.
Love,
Nazan
This piece has neither color nor scent!
But it definitely has a song. ”Leonard Cohen – In my Secret Life” https://open.spotify.com/track/3U5JVgI2x4rDyHGObzJfNf?si=3689a865ab3a4ea1 
stillbecoming.studio 
Yorum bırakın