stillbecoming.studio

I’m still at the summer house. I’m at the place I used to think was the westernmost tip of Turkey—though it turns out it’s actually not! 🙂 But hey, it’s still pretty far west.

I’ve set up a wonderful little office for myself in the garden. A little table, a chair, and of course, the absolute essential: the cat…

During my first few days here, I was really wrestling with real-life problems. Work, new plans, the endless “will it happen or won’t it?” questions, and financial uncertainty! But just a few days spent here completely wiped away all the negative thoughts, doubts, and anxieties from my body and mind.

The early morning sea swims, the gentle breeze in the side garden that never leaves my side, the loud choir of cicadas almost competing with one another, the purple flowers that bloom in the morning and fall from their branches by evening, our home’s newest addition—the bougainvillea that I check every morning to see if a new flower has bloomed—my mom, my sister, and naturally, the cat… Oh, and watering the garden in the evenings.

Thanks to all of this, I notice the true beauty of life much more deeply, weaving its genuine richness into my body and mind. A sense of lightness, a feeling of ease. I keep saying to myself, “What’s gotten into you, Nazan!” Checking in with myself as if all those problems didn’t even exist. Then I turn back to look at my worries, and I realize none of them are actually problems at all.

For years, I’ve been whispering to myself like a daily exercise: let go, stop overthinking, stop stressing over things you can’t control.

And let’s be honest, nobody preaches this to others better than I do! But turning those words into action isn’t as easy as it sounds. Then I look around and realize I’m not alone at all. The anxieties, the bad things that haven’t even happened yet but we worry might happen, plans that don’t pan out, and so on… The list is actually quite long. We let all of these take over our souls and our true selves. And me? Personally, I deserved a gold medal in this department.

Well, I used to deserve one, I should say.

Something has changed in me lately, my friends.

For the past few days, my problems just don’t look like problems to me anymore. Sure, maybe none of them have actually been resolved yet. But I’ve finally managed to stop that noisy wheel that keeps spinning inside my mind.

How? I scattered a little bit of it into the sea I swim in every morning, a bit into the garden grass I water, a tiny bit into the newly opened bougainvillea blossoms, and a little into the cat’s purr and the hum of the cicadas. I whispered the little city worries waiting for me to them. And in return, it’s as if they transformed those worries, lightened them, and handed them back to me like a breath of fresh air.

That truth I’ve known for a long time and recommended to everyone—that I simply cannot control everything—I’ve finally etched first into my heart, and then into my mind that keeps trying to play tricks on me. Allowing life to just flow sometimes turns out to be the greatest freedom in the world. After giving it our all, working like crazy, putting on our jacket of courage, and taking big steps… it’s time to let go and accept whatever comes. And to face whatever comes only when it actually arrives.

For the first time in my life, I’m in a phase where I have long, meaningful conversations with myself, allowing myself to slow down without constantly thinking about work or feeling guilty about it. I’ve spent—and am still spending—a few days where I’m physically very active, socializing and having fun, yet resting my soul in an incredible way.

It’s in moments like these that you realize what you truly want out of life. Instead of trying to fix everything, just accepting things as they are… Turning off the noise in my mind and listening to the sound of life itself. I’ve realized that, for myself, all I need is simply to allow myself “to be.” I hope I can keep carrying this mindset forward. At least, I promise myself to try.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bake a delicious peach cake! 🙂

With Love,

Nazan

If These Piece had a Color : It would be the color of ”Bougainvillea Blossoms”.

If These Piece had a Song : It would be ”Heaven Is a Place on Earth from Belinda Carlisle ”. https://open.spotify.com/track/3U5JVgI2x4rDyHGObzJfNf?si=f9047821d23d42ac

If These Piece had a Scent : It would be the scent of my freshly baked ”Peach Cake”.